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Author: nik
Posted: 2007-06-04 00:18:57
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A few months ago the kids and I were listening to a new cd and making up silly dances, when a song that I recognized came on and to Connor's surprise I started singing along. “Mom, how do you know this song?”. I told him “this song was around when I was a kid, my friends and I liked to dance to it.” “wow” he said. I guess it hadn't occurred to Connor that I had a life before he came along. It's not like I can blame him. Most days I have a hard time remembering it myself.
We all know how quickly and subtly it happens. You think “I won't be one of those parents who can't do anything besides talk about their kids. I'll keep up with current events. I'll keep in touch with friends. I'll still make time for the things I'm passionate about. Then one morning we wake up to find that we don't know anything about the latest political scandal that everyone else is talking about. Or that it's been five months since you told an old friend that you'd have coffee with her, and have yet to set a date. Or you see your golf clubs in the corner of the garage and remember how you used to love to play.
Most recently for me it was finding an old cd of violin music, and as I listened to it I felt so overwhelmed, almost on the verge on tears. I used to love to play my violin, I was even getting pretty good at it, but it's been so long since I've devoted any time to playing.
There are a few things that I could take from that moment- I could say that I need more balance in my life, or that I need to find outlets for my musical side, but when I really thought about it what I discovered is that I really love my life how it is now, and I wouldn't trade it for all the musical talent in the world. I haven't lost the old me, I've added to it. On a daily basis I get to experience more joy, more laughter, more tears, more frustration and more excitement that any musical performance could bring.
I do miss some of the things about my life before the kids came along, but there will come a time when I can go back to those things, and when I do, I will return to them as a far wiser, more compassionate, more grace-filled person because I have been changed by the richest life experience of them all.
It is God's grace that changed my focus from these self-centered interests. I know that it was God's grace because I never asked for this experience, and was even afraid of it.
God's loving hand pushed me into this situation where I would have to grow.
I would have never understood this six years ago. That was before my life had the purpose that only children can add to it. That's the amazing thing about grace. God gave me what I needed before I ever knew that I wanted it, and I couldn't be more thankful.
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